Embarrassment
(noun)
A feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness
If you have a sister then you know that at some point you will have embarrassed her and she will have embarrassed you. Sometimes I feel that it is the job of a sister to be embarrassing. Why else would you possess the power to embarrass then? Below is a list of ways to publicly embarrass your sister. Some of these I have tried, some of these I have only thought about trying, and some of these I plan on trying. Maybe. I’m a little scared of her.
The Stalker Run
This particular method of embarrassment requires some minor level of fitness. When you are walking with your sister in public make sure you cleverly manage to get just one step ahead of her. Then continue to slowly but surely pick up the pace so that she always remains one step behind. At this point you’re gonna need to progress into a full jog while you yell “STOP FOLLOWING ME!” at the top of your lungs. This is always a good one but it only works a few times so use it wisely.
The Underwear Isle
This one only really works if you are two sisters out in public together. The idea is to come across as a really caring and helpful sister to the public eye…while still making your sister blush profusely. While she is distracted by pretty lace and wonderful colours, stealthily make your way across to the “granny” section of the underwear isle. At this point you need to pick out the beige-est, silkiest, ugliest bra you can find and lift it up like baby Simba in the Lion King. This is the part of the show where you will feel the need to let her know, from across the room, that you think this particular bra will not irritate her cleavage rash. This is guaranteed to end in cursing and death stares.
The Deaf One
This one is particularly fun and you can do it multiple times. It also requires no stealth or planning whatsoever. Wait until your sister starts to gossip or say something in that quiet under-my-breath tone of hers and then immediately lose your ability to hear. “What??” Wait for the repeat and then fire back with another “WHAT?!?”. You can keep this going for as long as necessary. I would also suggest getting louder and louder with each repeat of the process.
The Pay Point
This one might get you in trouble. You will need some quick reflexes and a poker face of steel. This particular scene happens at the pay point after all the shopping has been done, and it works particularly well if she is paying in plastic. As that beautiful card makes its way out of your sister’s hand you are going to use your ninja-like reflexes to snatch it right out of her hand. At this point your sister will be looking at you in a very confused "tone of face". This is the perfect moment for you to say “No, you know you’re not allowed to do this. Not after what happened last time” and then proceed to handle the money and payment yourself. I guarantee that this will make everyone feel uncomfortable and that is exactly why it is so glorious.
Butt Humour
Butt humour never gets old. Never. This is also the easiest way to embarrass anyone, anywhere. The instructions are simple:
Wait until there are people around
Yell “Could you PLEASE stop farting?!” just loud enough for everyone in your immediate surroundings to hear
Get the hell out of there
I strongly feel that being publicly embarrassed makes you a better person. It teaches you to deal with uncomfortable situations, it teaches you composure and it teaches you how to have a good sense of humour. So, if I have ever embarrassed you publicly, you are welcome.
DISCLAIMER: Should you have a sister who fancies revenge, do not try any of these methods.
